Christmas Happenings 2012

Handsome boy!

NingNing's first Christmas Day was amazing.  Christmas Eve we all went to church, then to Applebee's for dinner.  Everyone was dressed up, even NingNing.  I managed to get a side shot, but that's all he allowed.

Christmas Day was even better. NingNing enjoyed all his gifts very much, especially the Ipod Touch, which he kissed upon opening.  We even got real kisses and hugs for that!  Another neat thing is we got him a K'nex set and he and Jr built this huge thing from it, but now won't let anyone take it apart to make anything else!

Christmas Eve Angry Bird pajamas!

The K'nex masterpiece!

He spoke a lot of English on Christmas Day, so now we know it's in there, he's just choosing when and where to use it.  At one point, he smacked his finger on one of his presents and mock moaned and groaned and said "oh my beautiful finger!!".  That cracked us all up and he and James could not look at each other without laughing.

Jessica got her Nook!

My "Mom" pin from NingNing

We finished up the holiday by spending the night in the city while our kids spent the night with friends (NingNing and James stayed with Seth's family) for our anniversary.  Had a quiet New Year's Eve at home with the kids; NingNing is going through a melancholy stage of post-Christmas letdown, missing his friends, boredom, and lack of sleep.  Also think he had some sensory overload from the busy days we had before New Year's, so he's been staying in his room more to get some quiet.  School starts back tomorrow, so it will be nice to get everyone back in the swing of things.  We also found a piano teacher for NingNing and he starts on the 8th of January; he is looking forward to that!  Hope everyone's holiday was wonderful; our first Christmas with NingNing truly couldn't have been better and he has decided he likes Christmas VERY much!

A Picture-Populated Post!

I was thinking of the secretary in the movie Mr.  Popper's Penguins , the one who starts almost all her words with the letter "P".  We are counting down to the Christmas program on the 20th.  For those who haven't read my earlier posts, NingNing's got a Xmas concert coming up.  He doesn't/didn't want to do it when he found it and got very mad/afraid/upset.  He "disappeared" inside himself for a few days, but has made a comeback :).  I had to bring it up again Friday to let him know we had to buy dress clothes for him, whether he chooses to sit with us in the audience or participate.  In any case, he will look good doing it, as we got shoes, pants, and a shirt (the nice shirt was his request, so maybe, just maybe there is hope ;).
The last few days he has been making a huge effort to communicate more with us, trying to actually tell us something or join in conversation with some carefully placed phrases, timed in such a way as to crack everybody up.  He has said "I don't like it",
"I don't know" (with a shrug and wide-eyed innocent look), "crazy" (referring to Dad and little sisters), "Mom", and "Ewwwww" (in reference to seeing his brother kiss his girlfriend, lol!).  We caught him out twice today also much to his amusement.  We were talking about something in Taco Bell, and he had the "I don't understand" look on his face....I said  "he knows what we're saying"....and he chuckled and nodded.  Then tonight, Jr says "Do you understand English?" to which NingNing says "No!" (see it yet?).  Jr says "If you don't understand English, how did you know to say NO?!"......NingNing grinning, dropping and shaking his head...he walked right into that one!  Too funny.......but we know he can understand A LOT now, so if we need to talk about something to do with him, we have to leave the room so he can't hear us!

Two of my special girls

My littlest special girl (who is an electronic whiz)

Teenage boys....need I say more?

NingNing loves our cat, Tux.  Here, he is trying to get Tux out from under the table!

Opening his first Christmas present (while keeping tabs on his computer game).  My aunt sends Christmas ornaments every year and the kids always love them.  NingNing was no exception.  When he opened his to find a jumbo jet, he got the point right away and laughed and laughed.  She wrote him a beautiful note, welcoming him to the family, which I read to him. 

Here it is...look right in front of his hand..it's a jumbo jet, symbolic of his journey across the ocean!

At one of James' basketball games

Same game...what a cutie (wouldn't he be embarrassed to read this?!)





Teaching the cat, Tux, and NingNing to play Phase 10

Jazmin's sweet little beagle, Brownie

4 months since Gotcha

4 months has passed.  Such a short amount of time, but when I think about it, it hardly seems we were ever in China, except that now we have our second son.

So where are we after 4 months?  Let's see.......
English........not happening as we'd hoped.  Ok, so I had SOME expectations that there'd be at least a measure of rudimentary communication by now.  I didn't take into account one's refusal to use English.  Now whether that is a reluctance to a)either draw attention to himself or b) a simple lack of desire to communicate with us (meaning attachment issues?), I don't know.  Teen adoption is a constant guessing game, because they've learned to hide and hold in their feelings.  I wish I could say NingNing trusted us, but the truth is I really don't know for sure.  Is he attaching/bonding?  I can't say yes and I can't say no.  How do you tell in a child who won't share any feelings?  Who tries to be so complacent (though that is changing a bit) so to be as unobtrusive as possible?

School.....it WAS going ok, until NingNing found out they wanted him to do the Christmas program with the other 8th graders.  The very idea sent him into a tailspin, so the school requested at the very least that he be present, but that he could sit in the audience with us.  We brought an interpreter in to try to understand his fear about the program.  We didn't find out a lot, just that the idea of having to perform in front of so many strangers has him completely stressed out.  He's just not ready for something like that.  After "disappearing" into himself all weekend, we saw some smiles tonight when we went to a friend's party. It's great to see when he relaxes and allows himself to have fun and let his guard down.  Most likely, we will go long enough for him to watch his classmates from the audience (unless he surprises us and agress to stand with his class), and then scooch out of there.

Siblings.....ok there, except that I think that James still intimidates NingNing somewhat.  Sometimes Ning is ready to take him on and wrestle and other nights, not.  Like most teens, Ning runs hot and cold.  What I mean is, one time he'll be smiling and having a good time, the next it's like "whoa, what happened?"  His and James' relationship will have to evolve in it's own way.
   Jaz used to be more standoffish with Ning and he with her, but not so much anymore....they are becoming closer with time.
   Judi continues to be his favorite......don't know if it's her spunk or size that draws him in, but they act the most like a "true" brother and sister (complete w bickering/squabbling).  N does think Judi talks too much, and sometimes, we agree!

Christmas.....he's not too interested at this point.  Have no idea what the holidays were like to him in China, if he had any at all.  I'm just about positive he had no Christmas there, so we wanted this first one to be special.  But as he seems more stressed out, we are keeping things pretty lowkey and relaxed. We have explained the idea of Santa Claus and that we keep the idea alive for our girls, and what Christmas day is about.  We also explained presents, but when asked what he might like as a gift, he says "I don't know"....a very refreshing comment from a teen!

Since we are pretty much out of the honeymoon phase for sure, we're learning to roll with the changes and taking things one day at a time.  Ning's pushing a few more boundaries to see what we'll do; what he can get away with.  More of his emotions are coming to the surface; we hope that means he's feeling safe and secure enough to express even those small amounts.  We know he is a pretty sensitive kid and there are deep emotions running through that quiet exterior, but he's very skilled at presenting an unruffled appearance.  He doesn't like to be blindsided; likes to know what's coming up...seems to work better if he knows what's coming and has time to process it in his mind.

It's like a ballroom dance, with no one real sure of the steps.  Sometimes we step on each other's toes, but the important thing is to keep dancing.

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'........

keep those wagons rollin'...Raawhiiiide!  I think this should be our motto for life......just keep those wagons rolling, up hills and down, through the valleys, fording small streams (the little problems of life) or the deep rivers (bigger issues), to come out on the other side ready to continue the journey.

Basketball games have begun, so our evenings are full fitting in dance, games, Christmas events, etc.  James is starting varsity this year as a sophomore and Jr and I love to watch him play; it's always great to watch your kids do well at something they enjoy.  We hope to convince NingNing to play baseball, basketball, or even both, if only to get him out doing something and off the computer.  I think I've lined up a piano teacher, so that will add to the mix in January.
Judi's doing great in her basketball and has finally grown enough to make baskets with no trouble.  Amazing what a year and a couple of inches make!  Jazmin is also doing basketball this year and has started practices with games in January. 
Jessica's been accepted to State Fair Community College and will use the A+ program to start her college career there; in her words, she is "looking forward to getting out of the house"!    And Jaz has decided she will "move" into Jessica's room when she is not there, lol!

Still can't figure out what really happened during Thanksgiving to NingNing, but he's back to "normal", so to speak.  As December gets into full swing, he's not really taking an interest in Christmas so far.  We went to get our tree this last Sunday (we go to a tree farm) and got it set up in the living room, but all he really seems to want to do is play on the computer lately.  At least we got another family picture that I will post on the blog once I get it uploaded.
Sunday night there was a Christmas event in our small town I wanted to do with the family.  Ok, so there wasn't anything for the boys to do, and yes, they were bored, but still........it's family time, right? 
James is more vocal of course and made his opinion clear, while NingNing demonstrated his feelings by playing in the syrup from his pancakes and having the most hangdog, dreary expression on his face.  This is his version of "pouting".  He doesn't act up, doesn't have tantrums, doesn't get angry, just "suffers" through whatever it is until he can return to his beloved internet.  Finally, I got sick of looking at their glum faces and just told Jr to take them home.  I try to keep in mind that NingNing is not used to doing things WITH family and AS a family (a foreign concept to him), but as time goes on, we do and will expect more of him in this respect.

The next afternoon, I sat him down and had a "discussion" with him (I had the same talk with James).  I asked him if he knew why I was unhappy the previous night when I got home and he knew (James had warned him that they were in "trouble", lol!).  I told him exactly how I felt, that my boys tended to lend more importance to their computer and video games than family/family time.  I made it clear that family time is very important to me and I want to spend time with my sons because I love them. And while I understand that they are boys and love their electronics (he agreed with me that we allow him plenty of computer time), family comes first and families spend time together.  I also told NingNing that I love the Christmas season and want to make his first one special. 
Basically ended up by saying, if I get my much-needed family time...with NO pouting or fussing....then boys get their computer time; everyone's happy!  Remember, the old saying "If Mama ain't happy, NO ONE is happy!"  James, ever the quick wit, amended that to say "but the reason Mama isn't happy, is because the kids aren't happy, and their griping is what makes Mama unhappy in the first place!"  Found out later that Jr had a scaled-down version of the same talk with the boys before I got home with the girls that night, so they were "primed" for my talk,lol!

One thing that was sweet though, no matter what caused it...that night, after I came home, I was sitting at the kitchen table just thinking with my head on my arms.  NingNing passed by me, reached out, and rubbed my back as he went by, finishing up with a little pat; the first truly spontaneous (unasked for, unsolicited) gesture of affection and empathy.  And as a mom to teens, who dispense hugs, kisses, and affection as rarely as my chances of winning the lottery, I soaked it up.

Not fun and games anymore.....

For our detractors, who said "you're crazy", when we announced we were adopting a teenager, this post will probably make them smile, pat themselves on the back, and say "I told you so".
But neither will I paint sunshine and roses all the time, when it's not.
At some point since my last post, things have changed.  Not horribly so, but enough so that I, at least, am concerned about NingNing (even more so than before now).  After the initial jump start of using English, that I posted about on the 12th, he quit again, for no apparent reason.
Then this weekend, he's acting like he's totally detached from us; won't engage, won't respond verbally at all; basically doesn't want anything to do with us.  And it all started apparently because Jr got on his case a bit about deleting pictures from my camera (a BIG no-no).  Now, if one of the other kids had done it, we probably would have yelled at them, because they know better.  We know NingNing does not necessarily, so my husband simply asked him not to, but didn't smile as usual when he said it, so N would know he was more serious this time.
Since then, we've had this "detached" behavior.  I discussed the incident with him last night and thought we resolved it; I told him I love all my kids and like to take their pictures so I will have them to look at when they are all grown up.  Perhaps it upset him to be reminded of when he would be on his own someday?  Perhaps the idea frightens him?  Certainly understandable, but it's a fine line between allowing him some "space" and condoning rude behavior (ignoring us as much as possible all day).  Is he a typical teen?  Oh yeah!  Teen attitude?  Yeah, it's there!  Are the rose-colored glasses beginning to crack?  Definitely....
So here I sit, at 4am, typing, worrying, considering,thinking, worrying some more........if our bio son were acting this way, we'd let him have his space, but eventually demand at least a minimum of respecful behavior.  We expect no less of NingNing at this stage of the process.
The biggest challenge is figuring out what the problem is when the person in question is not sharing their feelings; is he mad at us, mad at himself, both?  Or is he depressed; sad; maybe missing when he celebrated holidays in China (though we know they didn't do much where he was).  Or just maybe the whole family togetherness was too much; maybe he felt (even now) that he still didn't quite belong when we got on to him about the camera.  It's like playing 20 questions, but with no real solution, and a lot more at stake.

Our son said "I love you".......

to the INTERNET GUY!!!!!
Let me explain.....the kids got home from school and lo and behold the internet wasn't working.  NingNing and our 7-year old didn't know what to do with themselves.  It turned out to be the best thing, because he and Judi and Jazmin all spent the afternoon wrestling, playing, tickling, and rolling around on the floor together.  Then the girls latched themselves each onto a leg and NingNing was trying to walk with 100 lbs on his legs!  He was in rare form tonight, bouncing around, playing with everybody...even Mom got in on the tickle fest (side note....this boy is getting strong!  Mom won't be his wrastle partner too often, lol!).
Then Dad comes home from hunting and says "I'm hungry!", whereupon NingNing says "Me, too!".  After we ate, our internet guy came over to see what was wrong.....he got it fixed and as he was walking out the door, NingNing says "yay..I love you!".  I shut the door and headed right for the boy!  I said, "NingNing!  The INTERNET guy?  I love you?  Seriously?!!?  What about Mama??!!"  He laughed, looked at me, and said "I LOVE YOU!"  This kid is hysterical.

Now on to an amazing development....NingNing can read English!  A few nights ago, I was typing into Google Translate and he began to read some of the words, so I kept going...but this gave me an idea.
The next night I got out some Dr. Suess books, "Go, Dogs, Go" and "Hop on Pop".  I gave the first one to NingNing, then I logged onto Google Translate.  My intention was to type the words on the pages, translating them and providing instant comprehension.  However, as we began, NingNing amazed me by reading a good deal of the words on his own!  I wound up only typing the harder words to help him along.
Tonight we did Go, Dogs, Go again AND Hop On Pop.  He had us laughing so hard because he uses this squeaky, high-pitched voice to read the words and it. is. hysterical!  The video is of him reading one page....that's all we could get him to sit still for because he was chuckling so much!

And in other happenings.....

This is what happens when two skinny boys wrestle..they get tangled!



James (our 15-year old) and a friend at their NHS induction ceremony...he is growing into a young man before our eyes.




Our sweet babies playing in the leaves at Grandpa and Grandma's house



NingNing enjoying a fire engine ride on Halloween

Jessica at her college visit

I missed blogging on a couple of interesting and fun events....Oct. 20 we got together with the two other families of NingNing's friends, Zane and Seth.  We were at the park for 5 hours!  But it was such fun, and now that I think back, it was around then and after a sleepover at Seth'[s house the next weekend, that we noticed a  change in NingNing.  We think we are finally seeing the "real" NingNing; there is a noticeable change in his demeanor.  He smiles more, laughs with us, is talking MUCH more, in Chinese AND English, and really engaging with all of us more, especially Jr.  They tease each other and wrestle and are establishing a good bond; he just seems so much more relaxed.  It's hard to explain; I mean, we thought he was doing well before, but now we see just how much more at peace he seems.
Lately, we were talking about China....he was showing us some pictures of his classmates and he was describing some of his life before.  The conversation led us to the point where I felt comfortable asking him why he chose to be adopted and leave China.  He stopped and thought a moment and then said...."I just wanted a home...."....after I gathered myself, I told him he had one now.....forever....and we are so glad he made that choice.

Hangin' at the picnic (ok, I stole these pics from Seth's mom's blog-Richard takes awesome pics!).  The soccer one they sent to me...it's my favorite!

This is what NingNing is really like....a comedian!

I love this picture!

Halloween, school, and sleepovers

It is November...where has the time gone?  3 months will soon have passed since Gotcha Day.  Soon we will explain Thanksgiving and Christmas to NingNing.  We plan to approach these holidays from a Christian standpoint, that Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all the blessings in our lives and Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ, but that we celebrate God's love for us by giving presents to those we love.  We'll also talk about Santa but in the vein of a mythical figure the girls still believe in as I can just imagine what NingNing might think about a fat man with a beard squeezing down a chimney (and what is a chimney anyway, he'd probably think) and leaving all these gifts.  He would think we'd gone off the deep end for sure.

Over the almost two weeks since I've posted, we've continued with soccer practices and games, watched our son, James, be inducted into the National Honor Society, sent NingNing off on his first sleepover (at Seth's house), got Jessica signed up at her community college for the fall,  saved one of our dogs from certain death (me getting in the middle of a dog fight-stupid, I know-but I saved our dog), and introduced NingNing to Trick or Treating.

One of my concerns over the last couple of weeks is how quiet and almost emotionless at times NingNing still seems with us.  He is so animated around his friends, which is understandable, but as soon as he's back with just us, it's like a switch is flipped.  He will still interact, but just very self-contained and quiet.  I was beginning to fear attachment issues......I mean, unattachment doesn't have to be blatant, does it?  Then something would happen; he would laugh or play a game with us, or wrestle with Jr or James, and I'd think, well, all is ok then.
One thing I've learned through (our) older child adoption experience, and perhaps it's just the worrier in me, is the roller coaster of wondering about the effect everything we do has on NingNing.  In October, this was particularly bad for me as I second-guessed everything we did and said; I analyzed it all and would rehearse what I wanted to say if we needed to talk with him. 
In the last week however, we've noticed Ning using much more English at home.....just single words or two strung together, but it's progress!  It also has made things easier to communicate as he understands so much of what we say directly now.  I have also made a conscious decision to just relax and let things unfold and work themselves out, which seems to be helping my ability to sleep!

Halloween night was the first time I think Ning opened up almost totally to us and showed us how silly he can be.  We were at our church event and he catches my attention and says "go hoooooome!"(his current favorite phrase).  Finally we head for the door and he's bouncing and skipping out the door, so I decided to have some fun and show MY silly side a little.  So I said to him, "NingNing, I think we should go.......SHOPPING!".  He stopped dead, grabbed his head with his hands, and in a hysterical voice I've never heard before, says "NOOOOOOOO".  Then Jazmin gets into the act and says "let's go to.......SCHOOL!", whereupon he repeats his act.  As we pulled away,we were all laughing our heads off by this time.  We then stopped at a subdivision real quick to do some houses, and he goes. "NO......GO HOOOOOME!" in that same funny voice.  Judi and Jessica got out to T&T, and Jaz talked Ning's ear off so much, he finally bailed from the car and went with the other two!  I think he really had fun, but probably wouldn't admit it.  He didn't want to dress up and wouldn't take any candy for himself.  Not a big candy eater, but put a package of cookies or marshmallows near the boy, and they will be gone in a New York minute!

He had his first sleepover with his friend in the city (how come friends' houses are always more fun than home???) and had a blast, of course,complete with a pillow fight. However, I love the fact that when he wants to "GO HOOOOOME", he means our house, with us.  How can that not make a person feel good, that this young boy, who didn't know us from Adam 3 months ago, now thinks of us as his family and our house his home? 

School is going ok for the most part; one thing NingNing has had to learn is that what was ok in China is NOT ok here.  For instance, one kid at school tries to be TOO much of a friend, and NingNing wanted to handle the situation as he would have in China....he would have punched the kid out.  We trotted out the well-used spiel about how that is not acceptable and that HE would get in trouble and then MAMA would not be happy!  Where he went to school, there were around 3,000 students.  Fighting....oh, yeah.....bullying.....of course.....fend for yourselves?.....basic survival 101. Now he has to learn to turn the other cheek and also (and this is the biggie) trust an adult and/or authority figure to take care of the problem......he is making great strides in this area.

Another area we've had some progress is clothes.   NingNing is now wearing sleep pants to bed...MUCH more comfortable than jeans!  Then we took him to a happenin' store called Rue21; they have really hip clothes.  I showed him some plaid shirts like the ones he brought from China, but he said no to them (puzzling).  As kind of a joke, I pulled out a psychedelic black shirt with a huge ornate white cross on the front and back.  To my utter surprise, he liked it and THEN picked out a white hat with a red cross of similar design (interesting that he picked a cross symbol) and has ACTUALLY worn them!  Now to just work on new jeans :).

More pics will be coming soon!