To encourage not only ourselves, but hopefully others experiencing struggles with their children, these words came to me.
Our love stands strong,
in the face of your tears.
Our love stands strong,
in the emergence of your fears.
Our love won't end,
when you run from it.
Our love won't end,
when your built-up dreams plummet.
Our love will always be,
waiting for when you're ready.
Our love will always be,
strong and steady.
Consider stepping "outside the box" and adopt a child...it will not only change that child's life, but yours as well.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Easter and other happenings
It's been awhile since posting...March and April have been BUSY! Easter was a good time. We changed our usual plans and went to a Chinese church for Easter service. Our good friends the Sanders came too, so the boys, Seth and NingNing, could listen and really understand the true meaning of Easter. It's so heartwarming to see them pay attention and have found a way to share the love of God and Jesus with these boys. Even if they don't choose to accept Jesus into their lives, we will do what we can to provide them with enough knowledge to make the decision for themselves. After church, we went to my Dad's house and had an Easter Egg hunt. We weren't sure if the boys would do it, but when they saw James start running around grabbing eggs, they jumped right in, and then started stealing from each other's baskets! It was a great time spent with wonderful friends and fellowship. Enjoy the pictures and video.
There is a little more blogging after the photos :).
It's been a time of ups and downs for NingNing, but we think of it as a mountain we and he are climbing. Little step by little step, we are inching toward the summitt, with an occasional backslide. He seems to have a much easier time doing things outside his comfort zone, like an upcoming piano recital. He doesn't REALLY want to do it, but is not refusing like he did with the Christmas concert. He's still not using English much, but we've done some things to figure out whether it's a physical or psychological issue, or just his unique personality. It's becoming pretty obvious it's more personality and he is just a very quiet, shy, introverted person (total opposite of his description from China) who doesn't have a lot to say (his own words translated). We did have the opportunity recently to talk with him through a translator and told him that it was fine to be quiet sometimes, but as he grew, he would need to speak up for himself, as others would make choices for him if he didn't, and he might not like those choices. So yesterday, we were at McDonalds...I asked what he wanted, expecting to have to run through the choices until he nodded, as usual. To my utter amazement, he piped right up and said "Number 2, no cheese!". Now, to most people, I'm sure it's like.....uh, what's the big deal? For our son, this was HUGE! For him to not only respond that quickly...in ENGLISH...and voice a specific desire....IS a big deal, for him and us.
Also, NingNing has chosen to play baseball, something else that indicates he's coming out of his shell little by little. He has NEVER played.....NEVER.....so to start at the 8th grade level, at something he's not done before, just amazed us! He is enjoying it so much, and interacts so well with the other boys, his friends from school. I just worry he will get hit by a stray ball; he has no meat on his bones to absorb it! However, other than a little hesitation when the ball is pitched or hit very hard to him, he is really doing well.....and it looks like he's got enough natural talent he might be playing second base. We are so proud of him getting out there and trying it.
There is a little more blogging after the photos :).
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| checking out the candy haul |
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| getting a push from Jayden |
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| James and NingNing playing "catch me if you can" |
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| Hmmm....any more eggs? |
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| Our baby girl, Judi |
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| Our Family...Easter 2013...doesn't Ning look just thrilled to be having his picture taken?? |
Also, NingNing has chosen to play baseball, something else that indicates he's coming out of his shell little by little. He has NEVER played.....NEVER.....so to start at the 8th grade level, at something he's not done before, just amazed us! He is enjoying it so much, and interacts so well with the other boys, his friends from school. I just worry he will get hit by a stray ball; he has no meat on his bones to absorb it! However, other than a little hesitation when the ball is pitched or hit very hard to him, he is really doing well.....and it looks like he's got enough natural talent he might be playing second base. We are so proud of him getting out there and trying it.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Miss Judi's 4-year Gotcha Day today!
To remember how far we and Miss Judi have come, here is our original Gotcha Day post from March 1, 2009:
Sunday, March 1, 2009Gotcha!
It's 9:30 and do you know what I'm listening to??!! My new daughter laughing at my husband's antics in the bedroom when she's supposed to be sleeping. This is a miracle, guys, because up to now she's been one terrified kid! This was our day: we got to Kunming at about 11:35 am and met Jerry. He told us we would get Judi at 2:30 and that (get this!) they were bringing her to our hotel room! Then we discovered we needed the government fees in 4700 RMB so we had to rush to the bank and then went to eat at the BlueBird Cafe (it's great by the way!). We had a good lunch for about 200 RMB and it's right outside the hotel.
At 2:25 Jr and I looked at each other and couldn't remember if they said to meet in the lobby or they were coming to the room; I was so nervous I couldn't sit still! Finally, a little after 2:30 Dad went downstairs and sure enough here comes a knock on the door. They walked in with Judi; she is absolutely precious! She came in very nervous, remember we were told she knew we were coming and was ready??!! I don't think so! She sat on our couch but wouldn't let me or anyone touch her. She played with the stuff we gave her, but when the first lady left she started crying. She stopped again and kept playing but wouldn't maintain eye contact. Finally, we all came over to the desk and signed some stuff and the last lady and our guide slipped out. Judi didn't notice at first, but THEN she did. What ensued next was the temper tantrum of all eternity! She threw herself at the door, screaming and crying. She was also reaching for the door knob and the thing that locks the door. I stayed next to her, but she tried to slap and kick me away; I said "bu" at this point and she stopped trying to do that, but didn't stop screaming. Finally, about 30 minutes later, she wound down and settled back on the couch. Everything we gave her, she stuffed in that one corner of the couch and put a pillow over it. She's got a cold, too, and is on some kind of Chinese herbal medicine and guess what, amoxicillin!
After a while, she lay down, but suddenly popped up and looked at the window. She crawled up over the couch, laid across it and the window sill (we're on the 12th floor) and screamed for her nanny. I can safely say there appears to be nothing wrong with her intelligence! The things she can do are amazing! She does everything herself, even made up and took her own medicine; but she finally did let me put her water bottle top back on.
We had Dad and Jr go out and bring back food and I got her to eat a little; she kept going back to our couch and laying down. Then about 8pm we had a breakthrough! I got our Jazzy and her's matching pajamas out; it took a while, but she finally chose to change. She came to us in beautiful clothes, but 4 layers! She took all her own clothes off, but let me help put the jammies on (Yeah!!!). THen we laid the girls down in their sleeping bags. I got on the computer and all of a sudden I heard something incredible; she was laughing! She hadn't even smiled up to then! I snuck in and Jr was making her laugh by pretending to snore funny. Then they got into a pillow fight, Jazzy woke up, and now it's 10:30pm and we're all playing! She's still a little leery of me, but that will come; she appears to be a Daddy's girl right now. We're going to try to get these firecrackers to bed cause we're wiped; a long, emotional, up and down day! By the way, Judi's got the cutest little voice!
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| THEN |
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| NOW - the shorter one :) |
It's 9:30 and do you know what I'm listening to??!! My new daughter laughing at my husband's antics in the bedroom when she's supposed to be sleeping. This is a miracle, guys, because up to now she's been one terrified kid! This was our day: we got to Kunming at about 11:35 am and met Jerry. He told us we would get Judi at 2:30 and that (get this!) they were bringing her to our hotel room! Then we discovered we needed the government fees in 4700 RMB so we had to rush to the bank and then went to eat at the BlueBird Cafe (it's great by the way!). We had a good lunch for about 200 RMB and it's right outside the hotel.
At 2:25 Jr and I looked at each other and couldn't remember if they said to meet in the lobby or they were coming to the room; I was so nervous I couldn't sit still! Finally, a little after 2:30 Dad went downstairs and sure enough here comes a knock on the door. They walked in with Judi; she is absolutely precious! She came in very nervous, remember we were told she knew we were coming and was ready??!! I don't think so! She sat on our couch but wouldn't let me or anyone touch her. She played with the stuff we gave her, but when the first lady left she started crying. She stopped again and kept playing but wouldn't maintain eye contact. Finally, we all came over to the desk and signed some stuff and the last lady and our guide slipped out. Judi didn't notice at first, but THEN she did. What ensued next was the temper tantrum of all eternity! She threw herself at the door, screaming and crying. She was also reaching for the door knob and the thing that locks the door. I stayed next to her, but she tried to slap and kick me away; I said "bu" at this point and she stopped trying to do that, but didn't stop screaming. Finally, about 30 minutes later, she wound down and settled back on the couch. Everything we gave her, she stuffed in that one corner of the couch and put a pillow over it. She's got a cold, too, and is on some kind of Chinese herbal medicine and guess what, amoxicillin!
After a while, she lay down, but suddenly popped up and looked at the window. She crawled up over the couch, laid across it and the window sill (we're on the 12th floor) and screamed for her nanny. I can safely say there appears to be nothing wrong with her intelligence! The things she can do are amazing! She does everything herself, even made up and took her own medicine; but she finally did let me put her water bottle top back on.
We had Dad and Jr go out and bring back food and I got her to eat a little; she kept going back to our couch and laying down. Then about 8pm we had a breakthrough! I got our Jazzy and her's matching pajamas out; it took a while, but she finally chose to change. She came to us in beautiful clothes, but 4 layers! She took all her own clothes off, but let me help put the jammies on (Yeah!!!). THen we laid the girls down in their sleeping bags. I got on the computer and all of a sudden I heard something incredible; she was laughing! She hadn't even smiled up to then! I snuck in and Jr was making her laugh by pretending to snore funny. Then they got into a pillow fight, Jazzy woke up, and now it's 10:30pm and we're all playing! She's still a little leery of me, but that will come; she appears to be a Daddy's girl right now. We're going to try to get these firecrackers to bed cause we're wiped; a long, emotional, up and down day! By the way, Judi's got the cutest little voice!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Snow Balls and Sunshine
Today was one of those days you want to etch in your memory. Figuring out activities that everyone enjoys AND that Jaxon (NingNing) might enjoy as well as promoting bonding and attachment with us has proved one of the biggest challenges thus far. Last week, we got 10 inches of snow and school was out Thursday and Friday.
We visited one of Jaxon's friends yesterday and the other dad took some of the kids sledding while Jr and I went to Judi's basketball tourney. The two boys, Zane and Jaxon, decided not to go. Granted, it was pretty cold, but the other kids had a great time. The boys spent their time "together" on their individual Ipods! Like when kids are sitting next to each other, but text instead of talk.....
Then today, it warmed up very nicely, into the 40s. On our way home from church, Jaz wanted a FSF, or Family Snow Fight. So when we got there, Ning headed for his room, but everyone encouraged him and wheedled for him to come out, for "just a little bit", and he DID! I thought he might, as he really does seem to enjoy playing in the snow, as long as it's not too cold. He and I had fun slinging snowballs at each other (I was happy to show him my fun, silly side). Then Jax and James built a "wall" of snow with shields and Dad and I pelted them from above. Jaxon decided to be tough and shed his coat with all the activity, but did opt for gloves :).
Then all the kids decided to bury James in snow......and I grabbed the camera, as it is still so rare to snag a photo of Jaxon. After a couple hours, we all came in to warm up with a steaming cup of hot cocoa, something else we've found Jaxon loves!
We visited one of Jaxon's friends yesterday and the other dad took some of the kids sledding while Jr and I went to Judi's basketball tourney. The two boys, Zane and Jaxon, decided not to go. Granted, it was pretty cold, but the other kids had a great time. The boys spent their time "together" on their individual Ipods! Like when kids are sitting next to each other, but text instead of talk.....
Then today, it warmed up very nicely, into the 40s. On our way home from church, Jaz wanted a FSF, or Family Snow Fight. So when we got there, Ning headed for his room, but everyone encouraged him and wheedled for him to come out, for "just a little bit", and he DID! I thought he might, as he really does seem to enjoy playing in the snow, as long as it's not too cold. He and I had fun slinging snowballs at each other (I was happy to show him my fun, silly side). Then Jax and James built a "wall" of snow with shields and Dad and I pelted them from above. Jaxon decided to be tough and shed his coat with all the activity, but did opt for gloves :).
Then all the kids decided to bury James in snow......and I grabbed the camera, as it is still so rare to snag a photo of Jaxon. After a couple hours, we all came in to warm up with a steaming cup of hot cocoa, something else we've found Jaxon loves!
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| Jax and Jaz |
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| James was getting a little cold by this time! |
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Six Months!
Gong Xi Fa Cai! or Happy Chinese New Year to all!
Goodness, time has flown...I didn't realize it'd been so long since I posted last. January was a month of roller coaster emotions and events and on February 8th, we celebrated SIX months with NingNing! We finally realized a lot of NingNing's issues this month is control....or the loss of it in particular. There, other than going to school, and checking in with his foster family once in awhile, Ning (and friends) were pretty much allowed free rein. They could do what they wanted, when they wanted for the most part. Here, we have control over every single aspect of his life. Here, teachers email the parents with issues. Here, we tell him when to go to bed, when to get up, when to brush teeth, where he is every minute of every day. I know if I were suddenly thrust into this kind of situation, I would feel somewhat resentful and rebellious too!
NingNing did start piano lessons, something he's asked for since coming home. He seems to be enjoying it thoroughly and picking it up very quickly.
James continues to play varsity basketball; their team has an excellent record for a team with almost all sophomore starters. We so enjoy watching him play and the whole team improve as the season winds down. A couple games this week and we're off to Districts!
Jessica was nominated for Homecoming Queen in this, her senior year! She did not win, but she looked beautiful in her royal blue dress. She was extremely nervous, but carried it off like a champ. This semester she's taking two college credit courses and is all set to head off to college in the fall, except that Mom still has tons of paperwork to fill out!
NingNing continues to be the most bonded with our little ones, Jaz and Judi. He's really begun to enjoy doing things with Jazmin more as time goes on...she's so mature for her age and is a tomboy with a girly edge, so I think their personalities mesh well. It's funny to watch them mess with each other and then to see them cuddled close on the couch together or the girls will drape themselves on NingNing and he never seems to mind very much. Lately, he's also been making small gestures of affection to Jr, which is tremendous....he's not initiated any physical contact up to this point.
On Jan. 27th, we went to the Sanders' church and, with others, spoke on the topic of adoption. We heard many wonderful testimonies about the different ways families can be built. We let Ning spend the night with his friend (a gamble considering his recent difficulties), but afterwards he seemed to have a brighter outlook (at least until we had to get into some homework issues) and was trying more, though that is also when we reached out for attachment advice and support.
Today we had an amazing day for Chinese New Year! We found a Chinese Christian church through some professor friends at UCM in our town and attended today. It is a home church, but you could feel the faith of the people was SO strong and they spend a great deal of time studying the Bible in depth. It was a great environment to teach NingNing more about Christianity in an atmosphere he could understand. We were made very welcome and they had a potluck afterwards with "authentic" Chinese food...it was incredible and I think NingNing appreciated some real "home" food. We also hoped it would allow him some comfort to be around his own language (and we got a taste of how Ning must feel every day - being the "different" ones) and open up a little more. After eating, several college students from UCM showed up and we did a gift exchange and played Jenga. I was happy to see NingNing participate willingly in all this and just have a good time. They have this church once a month, and I think our professor friends will be terrific mentors and role models for NingNing.
Our school has arranged additional tutoring for NingNing after schools starting tomorrow to continue working on English, perhaps homework, cultural issues, and anything else they can think of. It will make for a long day for him, but we're happy the school continues to work so hard in helping NingNing have the support he needs to be successful in school, something he didn't get in China.
Ont eh
Goodness, time has flown...I didn't realize it'd been so long since I posted last. January was a month of roller coaster emotions and events and on February 8th, we celebrated SIX months with NingNing! We finally realized a lot of NingNing's issues this month is control....or the loss of it in particular. There, other than going to school, and checking in with his foster family once in awhile, Ning (and friends) were pretty much allowed free rein. They could do what they wanted, when they wanted for the most part. Here, we have control over every single aspect of his life. Here, teachers email the parents with issues. Here, we tell him when to go to bed, when to get up, when to brush teeth, where he is every minute of every day. I know if I were suddenly thrust into this kind of situation, I would feel somewhat resentful and rebellious too!
NingNing did start piano lessons, something he's asked for since coming home. He seems to be enjoying it thoroughly and picking it up very quickly.
James continues to play varsity basketball; their team has an excellent record for a team with almost all sophomore starters. We so enjoy watching him play and the whole team improve as the season winds down. A couple games this week and we're off to Districts!
Jessica was nominated for Homecoming Queen in this, her senior year! She did not win, but she looked beautiful in her royal blue dress. She was extremely nervous, but carried it off like a champ. This semester she's taking two college credit courses and is all set to head off to college in the fall, except that Mom still has tons of paperwork to fill out!
NingNing continues to be the most bonded with our little ones, Jaz and Judi. He's really begun to enjoy doing things with Jazmin more as time goes on...she's so mature for her age and is a tomboy with a girly edge, so I think their personalities mesh well. It's funny to watch them mess with each other and then to see them cuddled close on the couch together or the girls will drape themselves on NingNing and he never seems to mind very much. Lately, he's also been making small gestures of affection to Jr, which is tremendous....he's not initiated any physical contact up to this point.
On Jan. 27th, we went to the Sanders' church and, with others, spoke on the topic of adoption. We heard many wonderful testimonies about the different ways families can be built. We let Ning spend the night with his friend (a gamble considering his recent difficulties), but afterwards he seemed to have a brighter outlook (at least until we had to get into some homework issues) and was trying more, though that is also when we reached out for attachment advice and support.
Today we had an amazing day for Chinese New Year! We found a Chinese Christian church through some professor friends at UCM in our town and attended today. It is a home church, but you could feel the faith of the people was SO strong and they spend a great deal of time studying the Bible in depth. It was a great environment to teach NingNing more about Christianity in an atmosphere he could understand. We were made very welcome and they had a potluck afterwards with "authentic" Chinese food...it was incredible and I think NingNing appreciated some real "home" food. We also hoped it would allow him some comfort to be around his own language (and we got a taste of how Ning must feel every day - being the "different" ones) and open up a little more. After eating, several college students from UCM showed up and we did a gift exchange and played Jenga. I was happy to see NingNing participate willingly in all this and just have a good time. They have this church once a month, and I think our professor friends will be terrific mentors and role models for NingNing.
Our school has arranged additional tutoring for NingNing after schools starting tomorrow to continue working on English, perhaps homework, cultural issues, and anything else they can think of. It will make for a long day for him, but we're happy the school continues to work so hard in helping NingNing have the support he needs to be successful in school, something he didn't get in China.
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| This is my favorite picture so far! |
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| James-to the left of #22 (facing you) |
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| NingNing waiting for the game to be over so he can go home! |
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| Our #20! |
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Emotions and Grieving
It is the hardest thing for a mom to see her children in pain, whether that pain be internal or external. Perhaps, though, internal is worse, because you can't put a bandaid and ointment on it, give them a kiss, and make it all better. And when you have NO IDEA of the inner turmoil an adopted child is experiencing, it is heartwrenching. As NingNing works through some grieving issues (to protect his privacy, I won't go into intimate details), we struggle to understand and sympathize with him.
NingNing has the hardest time letting his emotions show. For the first 4 and a half months, he did everything he could to NOT rock the boat. He let us make all the choices for him, haul him hither and yon, put him in school, and generally didn't make waves. And around Thanksgiving time, the "maintaining" started to crack a little, then a little more, and then a little more, until some real emotions finally pushed their way to the surface last Friday night.
It was a quiet breakthrough, but a breakthrough nonetheless. No tantruming, no raging; his way is to shut the world and everyone in it...out. We attempted to help him say how he was feeling, but I imagine that type of overwhelming emotion that is so strong you can't hold it in, simply cannot be put into simple words. We let him know we loved him, and were sorry he was sad, but that it was ok to have those feelings and miss parts of his China life. So many new things for him, new experiences, new everything. And while we think it is all good and so much better than he had in China, to him it may not be. People sometimes say these kids, especially the older ones, should be grateful. Why?? Even if it is their decision to sign those papers, it is still a choice they make because they HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. So is that really a choice at all then? And they don't get to choose their family; they have no say in who adopts them. They have the ability to refuse to sign the adoptions papers in China, but when you've known someone for less than 24 hours, that's not exactly the basis for an "informed" decision.
We think he's done a remarkable job at finding his place in our family and figuring out all the dynamics involving a large family, navigating school, dealing with more rules than he's ever had in his whole life, and learning a whole new culture and language. In the meantime, we'll just keep on loving him and have the "bandaids" handy.
NingNing has the hardest time letting his emotions show. For the first 4 and a half months, he did everything he could to NOT rock the boat. He let us make all the choices for him, haul him hither and yon, put him in school, and generally didn't make waves. And around Thanksgiving time, the "maintaining" started to crack a little, then a little more, and then a little more, until some real emotions finally pushed their way to the surface last Friday night.
It was a quiet breakthrough, but a breakthrough nonetheless. No tantruming, no raging; his way is to shut the world and everyone in it...out. We attempted to help him say how he was feeling, but I imagine that type of overwhelming emotion that is so strong you can't hold it in, simply cannot be put into simple words. We let him know we loved him, and were sorry he was sad, but that it was ok to have those feelings and miss parts of his China life. So many new things for him, new experiences, new everything. And while we think it is all good and so much better than he had in China, to him it may not be. People sometimes say these kids, especially the older ones, should be grateful. Why?? Even if it is their decision to sign those papers, it is still a choice they make because they HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. So is that really a choice at all then? And they don't get to choose their family; they have no say in who adopts them. They have the ability to refuse to sign the adoptions papers in China, but when you've known someone for less than 24 hours, that's not exactly the basis for an "informed" decision.
We think he's done a remarkable job at finding his place in our family and figuring out all the dynamics involving a large family, navigating school, dealing with more rules than he's ever had in his whole life, and learning a whole new culture and language. In the meantime, we'll just keep on loving him and have the "bandaids" handy.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Christmas Happenings 2012
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| Handsome boy! |
Christmas Day was even better. NingNing enjoyed all his gifts very much, especially the Ipod Touch, which he kissed upon opening. We even got real kisses and hugs for that! Another neat thing is we got him a K'nex set and he and Jr built this huge thing from it, but now won't let anyone take it apart to make anything else!
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| Christmas Eve Angry Bird pajamas! |
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| The K'nex masterpiece! |
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| Jessica got her Nook! |
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| My "Mom" pin from NingNing |
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