Recently, some on my Yahoo groups have posted many issues with teen adoption, in some cases, real horror stories. To read some of these, you would run screaming in the other direction and never consider adopting an older child. Then you read the posts of those who had the opposite experience. While I can't imagine any transition being seamless and perfect, there are those who have experienced less "bumps" in the road.
Am I more scared now than I was? Yep. Am I more aware of what things to watch for? Yep. Do I worry about how this will impact our current children? Of course! Each time we adopted, we spent time rebuilding a "new normal". I cannot speak for anyone else, but I feel it was crucial for us to wait so long between adoptions to get to that "good" place that can weather another upheaval and adding another teen will definitely upheave us!
We talked with all our kids at the dinner table tonight about all the things that "could" happen and what we would do. As advised in some of the posts I mentioned above, having a plan is the key. We even discussed changing certain behaviors that we don't want our new son to mimic and that we would all need to be tremendously patient while Lucky finds his niche in our family. We even talked about our basic family rules (which is hard to put on paper definitively if you've never done so!).
I especially have to be prepared for him to not want affection or touching or hugging for a long time, if ever. That will be hard for me, as I show my affection physically with hugs, kisses, a pat on the shoulder, etc. I think when we come home, one-day-at-a-time will be my motto.
Debbie
Consider stepping "outside the box" and adopt a child...it will not only change that child's life, but yours as well.
3 comments:
Hi Debbie,
I just recently started following your blog when I realized you were the family that was bringing Lucky home. Congratulations!
I think that it is great that you are taking the time to discuss these things with your family in preparation to add to your family.
Yes, older child adoption is a challenge and even those stories that appear seamless are not that way without some hard work.
But, even amidst the challenges there is reward.
Praying for the Lord's leading and for His blessing on your family!
Lori King
Hi Debbie,
Are you aware of this
http://research-china.blogspot.com/2012/04/dark-side-of-chinas-aging-out-orphan.html
I had no idea this corruption was going on until I read this article. I think older child adoption is wonderful if it's legitimate, but I would ask a lot of questions after seeing this.
Christi and Abbey,
yes, I read the article. It gave me pause, but I realize a few bad apples does not spoil the bunch. It just encourages me to research, research, research, and be prepared for any possibility. I just hope it doesn't cause people to back out of their adoptions of older children.
Debbie
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